5 mindset blocks stopping you getting what you want
Have you ever heard that little voice in your head that tells you that you deserve a treat? I mean, you’ve just hiked five miles! Surely, it’s okay to celebrate with a cup of tea and a slice of ‘Death by Chocolate’?
Have you ever spent January virtually living in the gym, only to find yourself slumped on the sofa, clutching the remote, come February?
Maybe you said: “Enough is enough”, dived headfirst into your Declutter and Clean-up fest, yet are still navigating around that pile of clothing in the middle of your bedroom ever since that fateful day?
Let’s take a closer look at five reasons why it is that we know exactly what to do but are just not doing it – and, of course, solutions you can use to get what it is that you want with more flow, ease and consistency.
(1) It wasn't your idea...
Did your doctor tell you that you need to lose weight to get your blood pressure down? Did your boss send you on a management course, so you can lead a team and advance your career? Did your kids advise you to go vegan to save the planet?
That’s excellent advice and following it would be to your advantage, but weight loss, studying or going vegan doesn’t always come easy. Unless you decide that that is what you want, it’ll be tough to get yourself motivated and sustain momentum.
Solution: Making it your idea
Not everything other people think would be good for us really is. If, for example, your partner recommends cosmetic surgery because that would make him love you more, that is not a goal you will consider (I hope).
However, if your doctor is concerned about your blood pressure and advises you to lose weight, it’s a different matter.
Of course, it makes complete sense, and you have a go but falter after just two weeks because weight loss can be really hard sometimes. Health should be motivation enough to hang in there, but let’s face it, for many people, it just isn’t.
But what if you could come up with a reason for the goal that inspires YOU?
Sit down with a pen and paper and list all the advantages, for example of losing weight, that you can think of. Then take another look at your list and see whether you can see anything there that would motivate you MORE than optimum blood pressure.
If you lost weight, perhaps you would be able to run around the park with your kids again. Being lighter could enable you to join your family hillwalking, rather than just pack their lunches and wave them off.
Maybe this positive change would allow you to take up horse-riding again. And, yes, perhaps carrying off the latest fashion motivates you to lose weight more than health reasons would. So what? Whatever pulls your chain. But finding YOUR OWN reason should be the first step towards your goal.
(2) It doesn’t tally with your values
Everyone has a personal value system, which developed over the course of our lives and depends on our experiences, our circumstances and our family’s values.
While one person may attach great importance to material wealth and money, other may not consider it important at all. If you are not entirely behind the ‘cause’, you may struggle to keep going.
Solution: Get clear about your values
Examples of values are family, loyalty, honesty, compassion, health, freedom etc. Let’s take a look at that in a little more depth. An easy way to start is
- Identify your top 8 - 10 values
- Prioritise: Compare one with another, select which is most important until you've reduced them to your top 5
(3) The goal is too lofty
Having aspirations is a wonderful thing. We should all strive to better ourselves and realise our dreams. However,you need to keep our feet on the ground. If you set yourself the goal to learn how to play the saxophone with the aim of joining a jazz band, touring New York clubs and by next year, you may be overstretching yourself a bit – and that can be the exact opposite of empowering.
Although you may be a great talent, it is doubtful that you’d meet that goal, and realising that at some stage may put you off playing the saxophone altogether. Which would be a shame.
Solution: Set SMART goals
Research shows you are 80% more likely to achieve your goals if you:
- Make them SMARTER.
- Write them down.
- Make a contract or commitment with yourself to achieve them.
SMART GOALS need to be
“Lose weight” or “get fit” is not specific.
“Lose a stone” or “Run 5k” is.
- Measurable – weight, waist circumference, minutes run, number of steps …
- Time-Bound– A goal (or intermediate goals) should have a deadline
- Exciting - find a motivation that works for you
(4) You lack discipline
There are some goals you feel passionate about. You tackle those with great enthusiasm and drive, so you are literally carried across the finish line. But such goals are the exception rather than the rule. If passion and enthusiasm are missing, a good deal of self-discipline may be required, which you might consider you lack.
Solution: Reward yourself
Building in ways of making yourself feel good is essential for several reasons. You need to positively reinforce the tremendous changes you are making to encourage yourself to maintain them long term.
That means you’ll want to create appropriate ways of making yourself feel better or to celebrate progress. Far better to choose to spend 5 minutes relaxing in the sunshine in the garden to recharge your batteries than to grab a glass of wine.
Most of the time, it’s as simple as putting in a new habit to replace the old one. And even better when the new habit is one that you really enjoy!
Spend some time identifying some activities that you can build into your daily life that you enjoy and can use as your reward, a de-stressor, a way of taking a break, or just to have 5 minutes of indulgence or peace! Grab a notebook and write your answers to these questions.
- WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SPEND MORE TIME DOING?
- WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD?
- WHAT WOULD HELP YOU RELAX OR DE-STRESS?
A few examples are:
- Go to see a movie
- 15 minutes unstructured time to do what you want
- Read something uplifting and absorbing
- Phone a friend you love talking to
- Go for a walk in nature
Add your own. Think of at least 5 things or activities that lift your spirits and make you feel good.
(5) You’re going it alone
Above are 4 reasons and some simple solutions to start helping yourself reach your menopausal goals, they could be manage your symptoms and learn to thrive and live the life of your dreams.
Sometimes though no matter what you are doing, what's really stopping your progress is that you're going it alone.
Every goal is easier to achieve with support. Perhaps you see it as a form of motivation if you insist on going it alone. Wouldn’t it be great to prove to others or yourself that you can do it? It certainly would, but why struggle?
Solution: Make your life easier by getting support?
It's time to be micro-ambitious for you
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