The Power of "No More": How anger, acceptance, and belief helped me heal
2025 was supposed to be my year to thrive — instead, it became my turning point.
After years of illness and frustration, I started 2025 believing it was finally my time to thrive. But life had other plans. What followed was another setback — and, unexpectedly, the beginning of a deeper kind of healing. This is the story of how anger, acceptance, and belief helped me find the strength to rebuild – this time on my own terms.
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After serious illness for the last few years, I started 2025 with great hopes for thriving again. I had fantastic plans for my business, yet again. I was looking ahead with joy to planning a two week holiday, first time in years. I felt well and was looking forward to Spring and lazy dinners long into the nights in Summer. Lots of ideas and goals were floating around in my head I’d planned to pursue in 2025. I had become very weak from illness and the trauma. In 2024 I had to relearn to eat without fear again after years of not being able to eat an adult’s portion of food, at any meal. If I did there was the fear that it was coming back up in the middle of the night. I was convinced that this year was mine to thrive. I started back at strength exercises to return to fitness and get strong so I’d keep up with all my exciting plans.
It didn’t last long. Thanks to a gruelling reaction to a medication I’ve lost yet another year. To top it off, when I told the doctor and tried to explain why I had to stop taking it in July, I was lambasted. It was like a bomb going off in my head. I cried for a whole day non-stop (2nd September). From July and until September 2nd, I had spent the time weeping and upset each time I spoke about that encounter. I was at my wits end dealing with constant illness. Eventually I reached the point where anger finally surfaced. It had to really. There comes a time when you have to draw a line and say no more. This doctor didn't want to hear my reasons, just bullied me and was saying hurtful remarks til time for next patient.
What I learned
Purposeful anger helps
It took a long time for me to get angry at my treatment from medical staff for years. Finally, that red line had been crossed. The anger helped me to be steadfastly determined to find a better relationship with the medical profession, so I feel safe and trust they will look after me.
Acceptance
I finally came to terms with my medical team’s inability to understand and accept that I react severely to some medications. Post-menopause has only increased what I react to, can you relate?. Finally, over the last few weeks I’ve come to accept that this battle is exhausting and things have to change. My health is what it is, I now accept that it is futile to keep, in effect, “bashing my head against a wall”, trying to explain this to people closed to my needs. As important as anger is, acceptance I feel, helps you take the first steps to move forward to better.
Calmness + laser focused
Once I accepted what is, I noticed a calmness descend. I became laser focused on getting better. No more patience for being fobbed off anymore. Everyone has a right to feel safe and trust the ones they put their health into their hands. I'm not saying it is easy, but as I'm very weak. Yet, I have to put my needs first.
Belief
I don’t have all the answers yet. I’m on a new road. Importantly, my belief is that I am fully here for me. I’m judging any experience or person now, in how they make me feel, can I trust them, will my life be better if they are in it. I strongly believe that I’m heading in the right direction in every way. The last two years especially have been difficult as the hospital acts as a trigger on each visit, so I'm brought back to the trauma of two years ago when I attend an appointment.
A huge worry is I don’t know what is happening with my health. My transplant kidney is old and may need replacing. I have to get a new team for that as all trust is gone with the latest one. After the medication debacles, I no longer feel safe there.
I absolutely despise discussing my health. It’s my private business. Now though, I feel I have to as it’s butting into my life lately. It may take over for a while. Everything is up in the air. And, yes I’m drained from all the hassle and uncertainty. Now though, my belief is my driving force to push through to better.
Nourish & Lifestyle
2025 wasn't my year to thrive — instead, it became my turning point.
I always hark back to these helpful tools below. These are ones, thankfully I can mostly do myself and, where necessary, I enlist the help of others. For example, I'd be lost without my fitness trainer.
My fitness has taken a huge hit. Now I must get fit and ready for general health and for future medical procedures. Nutrition, adequate sleep and the right training, rest, lots of walks and all that helps keep me balanced as I journey through the unknown for however long.
To finish up…
I’ll finish up with this.
One day lately I was looking back and found each time I needed medical care I was consistently fobbed off, usually all blamed on just stress, e.g. in the lead up to losing our one and only chance to have a child, I was near death before I got help, I started perimenopause at 35, again I was told it was just stress or get checked for thyroid issues. Around age 45/46 I was in post menopause for a few years. Again, I was fobbed off with I hadn’t even started peri! I’ve been ill with internal bleeding for years and years. Yet again I was fobbed off each time I sought help, with it's because of your kidney. Two years ago, I was two hours from going into a coma before I got help in another county. Now, I’m not believed when I try to say a medication is a danger to my health. I say this as it’s taken five months to recover from taking 4 doses of it. I've usually been in dire need of medical assistance before I luckily saw a medic who reached out and did what needed to done. Not a safe or acceptable situation to be in.
I don’t know what the next chapter will bring — and for once, I’m at peace with that. What I do know is that “no more” has become my anchor. No more shrinking, no more apologising for my body or my boundaries. Anger opened the door, acceptance steadied me, and belief keeps me moving forward. I may still be healing, but this time, it’s on my terms — and that, I think, is the quiet power of no more.
To everyone walking their own “no more,” may you find peace, power, and your voice again.
Yours in strength, healing, and life after menopause,
Marian